Shark's Bathroom Wall
Welcome to my BATHROOM WALL. Ok, so my bathroom isn't this neat,
and I still have mysterious phone numbers on the wall...but you get the idea. I like to take my/your
favorite quotes, lyrics, movie snip-its, toasts, poems, etc., etc. and post
them here for everyone to see. Some of these are educational, while others
are quite offensive; however, you are sure to find something to add to your repertoire.
If you would like to submit a quote, please let me
know and I'll post it as soon as possible. I'll post whatever name you would like, and the email
portion is optional.
(Please note: UNLESS YOU TELL ME OTHERWISE, YOU ARE
QUOTED FOR THE MESSAGE. DOESN'T MATTER WHO SAID, SANG, OR SHIT IT...YOU TOLD ME.)
QUOTE OF THE MOMENT
MOVIE QUOTES
LYRICS
PERSONAL WISDOM
QUOTE OF THE MOMENT
"Can we be best friends, now that you've seen what's inside my freezer?"
M O V I E S
"I'm your Huckleberry." Doc Holiday from Tombstone (Submitted by: Emmy)
"Don't change the subject, just answer the fucking question." Steven, the Irishmen, from Braveheart (Submitted by: Franco)
"...then again, you could be the Anti-Christ." Doc Holiday from Tombstone (Submitted by: Stormy)
"Shaken, not stirred." Bond, James Bond
"Stop looking at me Swan!!" Billy Madison from Billy Madison
"It's not tragic to die doing what you love." Bodie from Point Break (Submitted by: Shark)
"It's better to be dead and cool then alive and uncool." Harley from Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man
"The only thing I have in this world is my balls and my word.....
and I don't break them for nobody." Al Pacino in Scarface (Submitted by: Stormy)
"Haylo!!! I am thee grrreat Anigo Montoya....You killed my fah-thor, pree-pare to die!!" Anigo from "The Princess Bride" (Submitted by: Lea)
"I always knew that revenge was your favorite word"
"No, cruelty......I find it has a much nobler ring to it" Dangerous Liasons (Submitted by: Lea)
"What?! Over? Did you say over? NOTHING is over until WE decide it is. Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? HELL, NO." Bluto from Animal House (Submitted by: carebear)
"At last! We meet for the first time for the last time" Rick Moranis from Spaceballs (Submitted by: carebear)
"To infinity...... and beyond!" Buzz Lightyear from Toy Story (Submitted by: carebear)
"'It's 106 miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, a half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses.'
'Hit it!'" Elwood and Jake from The Blues Brothers (Submitted by: carebear)
"He who hesitates, masturbates." Jim Carey from The Cable Guy
"Live now. Make now always the most precious time. Now will come
again." Captain Jean-Luc Picard from Star Trek (Submitted by: MacDaddy)
"Touch me again, and I'll kill ya." Bruce Willis from The Last Boy Scout (Submitted by: Degrees7)
"It's amazing the clarity that comes with psychopathic jealousy." George from My Best Friend's Wedding(Submitted by: Stormy)
"That's it!! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college." Homer Simpson (Submitted by: MacDaddy)
"Sewer rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I'll never know 'cause I
wouldn't eat the filthy motherfucker." Samuel L. Jackson from Pulp Fiction (Submitted by: MsDoob)
"It's better to be first in Hell, then last in Heaven." Lance Henricksen from Stone Cold (Submitted by: Mike)
"Don't sing it, bring it." Scott Hall from WCW (Submitted by: Mike)
"I'll be right back." Tom Hanks in Castaway (Submitted by: H.I.)
"Hey look, it's Raph."
"Yeah, a little too Raph." Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Submitted by: Shark)
"Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover." --Homer Simpson
"I like my women fast, my beer cold, and my homos ‘flaming’.” --Homer Simpson
"Listen up, you little spazoids. I know where you live and I've seen where you sleep. I swear to everything holy that your mothers will
cry when they see what I've done to you." --Julie Warner in "Tommy Boy"
"Where's the KaBoom? There was supposed to be an earth shattering KaBOOM!" Marvin the Martian
"We're (Team America) dicks. And the Film Actors Guild are pussies. And Kim Jong Il is an asshole. Pussies don't like dicks because pussies get
fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes. Assholes who just wanna shit all over everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way. But
the only thing that can fuck an asshole is a dick, with some balls. The problem with dicks is sometimes they fuck too much, and it takes a pussy to show them
that. But sometimes pussies get so full of shit that they become assholes themselves. Because pussies are only an inch and a half away from assholes. I
don't know much in this crazy, crazy world, but I do know that if you dont let us fuck this asshole, we're gonna have our dicks and our pussies all covered in
shit." Gary Johnston- Team America- World Police (Submitted by: forgot_to_flush)
-How come your so serious all the time?
-Well would you like to hear me tell a joke? (Tom Hanks)
-Yeah, we'd love to hear a joke from you.
-(Hanks) Knock, Knock.
-Who's there?
-(Hanks) Go fuck yourselves. (Submitted by: forgot_to_flush)
SUBMIT
QUOTE
L Y R I C S
"....the shades and shadows undulate in my perception." Fiona Apple (Submitted by: Shark)
"You can stick your 9 to 5 living, and your collar and your tie...You
can stick your moral standards 'cause it's all a dirty lie...You can
stick your golden handshake...stick your silly rules...and all the other
shit, that they teach the kids in school." AC/DC (Submitted by: Catfish)
"...they're sharing a drink they call loneliness, but it's better than drinking alone." Billy Joel (Submitted by: Shark)
"Every time I look in the mirror, all these lines in my face are getting clearer. The past is gone." Aerosmith
"Half my life's in books, written pages. Learning love from fool's and from Sage's...." Aerosmith
"I let time go lightly when I'm here with you
I let time go lightly when the day is through
I keep a watch on time when I've got work to do
but I let time go lightly with you" Harry Chapin (Submitted by: Emmy)
"They ask what it is that I want written on the gravestone where I'll die
Tell them it's just my bones that died there, so save the tears they'll cry" Jon Bon Jovi (Submitted by: Emmy)
"Confront your enemies, avoid them when you can
it takes a man to suffer ignorance and smile
be yourself no matter what they say
a gentleman will walk but never run" Sting (Submitted by: MacDaddy)
"From the bottom it looks like a steep incline, from the top another downhill slope o' mine....but
I know, the Equilibrium's there" Faith No More (Submitted by: Lea)
"And so it was for you, that the river eclipsed your life, and sent your soul like a message in a bottle to me, and it was my rebirth" Indigo Girls (Submitted by: Lea)
"These days, it's hard for me to find piece of mind. Between insanity and sanity there lies a thin line. Sub-dwell in hotels, with
Jezebel's. A Stone-Age and fall victim to the plague." Fugees (Submitted by: Shark)
"Another hour, another day, another year you've pissed away....Remember walking in the rain? Well, I'm walking there still" Concrete Blonde (Submitted by: Lea)
"After every dark night, there's always a bright day ahead." 2Pac (Submitted by: FilDogg)
"You run and you run to catch up with the sun but its
sinking, racing around to come up behind you again. The sun is the same in a
relative way but your older, shorter of breath and one day closer to death." Pink Floyd (Submitted by: H.I.)
"Spilled her coffee, broke a shoelace. Smeared the lipstick on her face. Slammed
the door and said I'm sorry I had a bad day again." FUEL (Submitted by: Irishathrt)
"Life is ours, we'll live it our way!!" Metallica (Submitted by: Bub)
"Time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away" Linkin Park (Submitted by: ROK-N-ROL)
"I've taken my bows, my curtain calls, you've given me fame and fortune and
everything that goes with it...I thank you all" --Queen (Submitted by: SchoolBoy)
"I left my throne a million miles away
I drink from your tit
I sing your blues every day
Now give me the strength
To split the world in two yeah
I ate all the rest and now Ive gotta eat you" - - - "Space Lord" - Monster Magnet
SUBMIT A QUOTE
P E R S O N A L W I S D O M
"Do whatcha got to do to be happy." (Submitted by: Shark)
"Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing." (Submitted by: Bud)
"Don't eat yellow snow." (Submitted by: Frekinlaw)
"The more people I meet, the more I like my dog." (Submitted by: Frekinlaw)
"Free the Weed, Plant the Seed." (Submitted by: MacDaddy)
"A bad day in Heaven is better then a good day in Hell." (Submitted by: Frekinlaw)
"She's sooo bad, it's a crime" (Submitted by: Shark)
"Sex, drugs, rock and roll, wine, women, and song, chips, dips, chains, whips....my kind of party." (Submitted by: Shark)
"A mind is like a parachute, it only functions when fully open." (Submitted by: Frekinlaw)
"Family is the only constant in your life." (Submitted by: MacDaddy)
"He who yells first, loses the argument. (Submitted by: MacDaddy)
"Let'em kick you 3 times, they'll kick you 3 times.
Let'em kick you 2 times, they'll kick you 2 times.
Let'em kick you once, they'll kick you once.
Break off their mother fucking feet, ain't gonna be no more kickin'" (Submitted by: Shark)
"A brave man likes to feel the touch of nature upon his skin.
Yet a wise man knows when to get in from the rain." (Submitted by: Shark)
"Stress: The confusion created when one's mind overrides the body's basic desire to choke the living shit out of some asshole who desperately needs it." (Submitted by: MacDaddy)
"The saints are the sinners who keep on trying." (Submitted by: Stormy)
"If you look like your Driver's License, you are too ill to drive." (Submitted by: Stormy)
"Party till the cow's come home.....then party with the cows." (Submitted by: Shark)
"There is nothing, outside our perception of reality." (Submitted by: Shark)
"Some call it a six-pack. I call it a support group."
"You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think."(Submitted by: Shark)
"When men talk dirty to women, it's sexual harassment.
When women talk dirty to men, it's $3.95 per minute."
"Eatin' ain't cheatin'."
"Never play leapfrog with a unicorn."
"I want either less corruption, or more chances to participate in it."
"If you don't care where you are, then you're not lost."(Submitted by: Shark)
"If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, let's all get wasted together and have the time of our lives."(Submitted by: Shark)
"Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity."(Submitted by: Shark)
"To do is to be"-- Rene Descartes
To be is to do"-- John Stuart Mill
Do be do be do"-- Frank Sinatra
"Necrophilia means never having to say I'm sorry."
"My Karma ran over my Dogma"
"The game of life is not so much in holding a good hand as it is playing a poor hand well." (Submitted by: Stormy)
"The trouble with life in the fast lane is that you get to the other end in an awful hurry." (Submitted by: Stormy)
"If the people lead the leaders will follow." (Submitted by: MacDaddy)
"Easy come.......easy go."(Submitted by: Frekinlaw)
"Save the whales! Collect the whole set."
"Dyslexics of the world, Untie!" (Submitted by: Shark)
"Get your facts straight, then distort them."
"Never believe anything you hear and only half of what you see." MacDaddy's Daddy
"...just wait till your father gets home." MacDaddy's mom
"It's 4:19, got a minute?"(Submitted by: Shark)
"Save the World, Kill Yourself."(Submitted by: Shark)
"All lies will lead to the truth."(Submitted by: Budman)
"Not worth a pinch of shit." (Submitted by: Emmy)
"A fanatic is someone who can't change his mind and won't change the subject." (Submitted by: Stormyk)
"If you take a look around you have seen a circle"(Submitted by: MacDaddy)
"If God is love, and love is blind......Is Ray Charles God??" (Submitted by: Lea)
"I will give you hunger and pain,
Sleepless nights
a happiness known to few.
Terror,
Glimpses of the heavenly lights.
All of these you will have,
But not continually."(Submitted by: Stormy)
"Spring is Nature's way of saying, 'Let's Party!'" (Submitted by: Stormy)
"We are like strangers cut off in a foreign land.....nevertheless, we shall not be overcome by fear and betray the truth."(Submitted by: MacDaddy)
"If I had a little humility, I'd be perfect!"(Submitted by: Stormy)
"To see whats right in front of one's nose,
requires a constant struggle."(Submitted by: Stormy)
"A sure thing NEVER is."(Submitted by: MacDaddy)
"I am free of all prejudice,
I hate everyone equally."(Submitted by: Stormy)
"It's easy for us cats to kill other cats. It's the dogs we got to look out for."(Submitted by: Shark)
"I wouldn't throw him out of bed .....unless he wanted to fuck on the floor."(Submitted by: Stormyk)
"If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything." (Submitted by: Shark)
"Hippies are proof that cowboys fuck sheep."
"Sanity is the playground of the unimaginative." (Submitted by: Shark)
"Even a stopped clock is right twice a day."
"Beauty is only a light switch away."
"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. (Submitted by: Shark)
"Jesus Saves!! But wouldn't it have been better if he would have invested?"
"If Pro is the opposite of Con, is the opposite of Progress, Congress?"
"Some come here to sit and think,
Others come here to shit and stink.
I come here to scratch my balls,
And read the writing on the walls."
"The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese." (Submitted by: Shark)
"If every man was half as good as he thought, and every woman half as good as she looks, we would all be perfect." (Submitted by: Franco)
"Love is like an undertow; difficult to find in some places, but when it grabs you, it doesn't let go and it takes you for a ride that could ultimately be the end of you." (Submitted by: Shark)
"Man is ultimately good, it's just the women that drive us to evil." (Submitted by: Franco)
"Oh, swear not by the moon, the inconstant moon, that monthly changes in her circled orb, lest that thy love prove likewise variable Juliet" (Submitted by: Franco)
Shark business tip #1: "Pay peanuts, get monkeys." (Submitted by: Shark)
"The best place to hide is right in front of those you are trying to hide from." (Submitted by: Shark)
"Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film."
"A day without sunshine is like.....night."(Submitted by: carebear)
"Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine."(Submitted by: carebear)
"He who laughs last, thinks slowest."(Submitted by: carebear)
"The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open."(Submitted by: carebear)
"You are not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."(Submitted by: carebear)
Shark business tip #2:
"He who has a thing to sell
And goes and wishes in a well
Will not as likely get the dollars
As he who climbs a tree and hollers.(Submitted by: Shark)
"Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes.
That way, if he's angry, he's a mile away and barefoot."(Submitted by: carebear)
"All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?"(Submitted by: carebear)
"Ignorance is more expensive then education."
"If you've come here to bitch, you've just wasted 98% of your energy. I suggest you take the other 2% and find someone who gives a damn." (Submitted by: Shark)
"Nothing is illegal unless you get caught."(Submitted by: Shark)
"What you don't know won't hurt ya."(Submitted by: Shark)
"Great realities are superior to fantasies."
"Our greatest glory consists of not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall."
"Hit the ball over the fence and you can take your time going around the bases." (Submitted by: Shark)
"We make our fortunes and we call them fate." (Submitted by: Stormy)
"Men should be like Kleenex- soft, strong and disposable."
(Submitted by: carebear)
"Who we are never changes. Who we think we are does."
"Procrastination is the thief of time."(Submitted by: Shark)
"Obscenity is the crutch of inarticulate motherfuckers."(Submitted by: carebear)
"Whoever wishes to keep a secret must hide the fact that he possesses one." (Submitted by: Shark)
"Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things."(Submitted by: carebear)
"I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm not a quitter."(Submitted by: carebear)
"Life is not a struggle, it's a wiggle."(Submitted by: carebear)
"The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of." (Submitted by: Shark)
"Fashions fade-- Style is eternal." (Submitted by: Shark)
"The really great man is the man who makes every man feel great."
"He that lives upon hope will die fasting."
"Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking together in the same direction."(Submitted by: Shark)
"First things first, but not in that order."(Submitted by: carebear)
"It's taken me all of my life to understand that it's not necessary to understand everything." (Submitted by: Shark)
"What She don't know won't hurt Me." Catfish
"I am responsible for everything except my very responsibility" (Submitted by: MacDaddy)
"Middle age is when you start buying cereal for the fiber and not the toys." (Submitted by: Stormy)
"The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire."(Submitted by: carebear)
"Follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're at work in your underwear during a fire drill." (Submitted by: carebear)
"Though times are difficult,I know salvation shall derive from knowledge." Tiny
"The first to ask is usually the one who did it." Degrees7
"Remember when sex was safe, and racing was dangerous?" Degrees7
"I'd give up marijuana....but I'm not a quitter!"
"I don't smoke pot.
I don't smoke pot.
Admission is the first step to recovery.....
I don't smoke pot."
"If you have a friend, keep him so, let him not your secrets know,
for if your friend becomes your foe, then all the world your secrets will know."(Submitted by: MacDaddy)
"I'm desperately trying to understand why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets."(Submitted by: MacDaddy)
"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogomy is the same."(Submitted by: MacDaddy)
"Why is it that when we talk to God we are praying, yet when He talks to us we're schizophrenic?"(Submitted by: MacDaddy)
"Don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die."
"I've decided that to raise my grades I must lower my standards."
"At the feast of ego, everyone leaves hungry."Shark
"It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere."
"Make love, not war.-Hell, do both, get married!"
"A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it."
"If voting could really change things, it would be illegal."
"Some painters transform the Sun into a yellow spot; others transform a yellow dot into
the Sun."(Submitted by: MacDaddy)
"I keep track of no one. Everyone keeps track of me."Larry
"Little is the number that think with their own mind and feel with their own heart."MacDaddy
"Life is like a dick. If it gets hard, FUCK IT."Lexi
"He's not tough, he's just stupid."
"If you're looking for sympathy it's in the dictionary between syphilis and shit."
"Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but it certainly is an absurd one." Voltaire
"Assumption is the mother of all fuck-ups." NickyDo
"I'd rather lose my life for love,
then lose my love for life." --(Submitted by: Shark)
"Why don't you ever see the headline-- 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?"
"Religion is a candle inside a multicolored lantern. Everyone looks through
a
particular color, but the candle is always there." - Mohammed Neguib (Submitted by: MacDaddy)
"Never fear shadows. They simply mean there's a light shining somewhere
nearby." -- Ruth E. Renkel.
SOUTHERN SAYINGS:
01. "Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit."
02. "It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch."
03. "He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down."
04. "Have a cup of coffee, it's already been 'saucered and blowed.'"
05. "She's so stuck up, she'd drown in a rainstorm."
06. "It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs."
07. "My cow died last night so I don't need your bull."
08. "Don't pee down my back and tell me it's raining."
09. "He's as country as a cornflake."
10. "This is gooder'n grits."
11. "Busier than a cat covering crap on a marble floor."
12. "If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy
it."
13. "She's finer then goose grease."
"I am the only author of the dictionary that defines me." Shark
"Someday we'll look back on all of this and plow into a parked car."
"There are few personal problems that can't be solved by the suitable application of high explosives."
"Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again."
"I don't suffer from stress; I'm a carrier."
"Everyone is someone else's weirdo." (Submitted by: Shark)
"Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience."
"If Life is a trip... Give me another hit."
"It's all fun and games until someone puts an eye out, unless they replace it with a glass eye. Then you could play
marbles!" Van
"Never fight an ugly person, They don't have much to lose!"Van
"Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a
perspective, not the truth." - Marcus Aurelius
"Do fries come with that?" (Submitted by: H.I.)
"There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it."
"The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity.
The optimist sees opportunity in every difficulty." - Winston Churchill
"Picture yourself near a steam. Birds are chirping softly in the crisp, cool
mountain air. Nothing can bother you here. No one knows this secret place.
You are in total seclusion from that place called "The World." The soothing
sound of a gentle waterfalls fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
The water is clear. You can easily make out the face of the person whose
head you're holding under the water . . . There now, feeling better?"
"My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance."
"Always yield to temptation because it may not pass your way again."
"No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes."
"A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand."
"Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity."
"I believe the only time the world beats a path to my door is when I'm in the bathroom."
"Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused."
"A prudent question is one-half of wisdom" janesgirl
"Your success and happiness lie in you....Resolve to keep happy, and your joy
and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties." Sis
"Don't talk unless you can improve the silence." janesgirl
"Carrying a grudge is like a run in your panty hose. It can only get worse. Forgiveness is the answer!" --Mom
"Once made equal to man, woman becomes his superior." janesgirl
"The mute told the deaf to follow the blind." fullscreen
"Sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug." --Mom
"The grapevine usually produces the grapes." Court
"Do not follow where the path may lead.
Go instead where there is no path--
And leave a trail." --Mom
"That which is done out of love always takes place beyond good and evil" --Nietzsche John
"There is no love sincerer than the love of food." - George Bernard Shaw (Submitted by: MacDaddy)
"She likes to bitch so much that she's pissed off when her period ends."
"When shit becomes valuable, the poor will be born without assholes." --Henry Miller
"If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?"
"Home is where you hang your @."
"A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click."
"You can't teach a new mouse old clicks."
"Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day, teach him to use the Net and he
won't bother you for weeks."
"It's better to have loved and lost a short person than never to have loved a
tall."
"What do people in China call their good plates?"
"Life is like a shit sandwich. Every day is another bite." Sis
"You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers.
You can tell whether a man is wise by his questions." Chelle
"A word to the wise ain't necessary -- it's the stupid ones that need advice." Chelle
"There is nothings so habit-forming as money." Chelle
"God wisely designed the human body so that we can neither pat our own backs
nor kick ourselves too easily." Chelle
"To realize the value of ONE YEAR, ask a student who has failed his
exam;
To realize the value of ONE MONTH, ask a mother who has given birth to
a premature baby;
To realize the value of ONE WEEK, ask an editor of a
weekly;
To realize the value of ONE DAY, ask a daily wage laborer;
To
realize the value of ONE HOUR, ask lovers waiting to meet;
To realize the
value of ONE MINUTE, ask a person who has missed the train;
To realize the
value of ONE SECOND, ask a person who has survived an accident;
To realize
the value of ONE MILLISECOND, ask the person who has won a silver medal in
Olympics.
Treasure every moment that you have!" Chelle
"If Everyone Believed In The Sayin 'An Eye For An Eye', Then The Whole World
Would Be Blind." --Gandhi Sid
A golfing favorite: "I hit two GREAT balls today,
I stepped on a rake." kccpo
"The original point-and-click interface was a Smith & Wesson." (Submitted by: Stormy)
"Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana."
"We all want to become the person our dog thinks we are.
"A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting she won't change, and she does."
"I don't pay hookers to come over, I pay them to leave." .... Charlie Sheen
"'The Woman in the Glass'
When you get what you want as your struggle for self
And the world makes you queen for a day,
Just go to the mirror and look at yourself,
And see what that woman has to say.
For it isn't your father or mother or husband
Who's judgement upon you must pass;
The person whose verdict counts most in your life
Is the one staring back from the glass.
She's the person to please, never mind all the rest,
For she's with you clear up to the end.
And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test
If the woman in the glass if your friend.
You may fool the whole world down the pathway of life,
And get pats on your back as you pass.
But your final reward will be heartache and tears
If you've cheated the woman in the glass" (Submitted by: Stormy)
"Great groups from little icons grow."
"Speak softly and carry a cellular phone."
"Too many clicks spoil the browse."
"What boots up must come down."
"There's no place like your homepage."
"There' no place like your homepage, except Shark13.com." (Revision to prior)
""Life isn't like a box of chocolates... it's more like a jar of jalapenos. What
you do today... might burn your ass tomorrow "
"If you think that sex is a pain in the ass, your probably doing it the wrong way." MaXiLeeCH
"Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one
tumble down the stairs."
"I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that a lot of people die of
natural causes. "
"Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed
and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily,
it is a valuable plant. "
"The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
replacement."
"Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. "
"There are two kinds of pedestrians -- the quick and the dead."
"Life is sexually transmitted."
"An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys."
"Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die."
"The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth."
"My love life? Let's put it this way. In the gas station of life, I'm stranded
on the self-serve island."
"I'm going through an awkward stage. You know, the one between birth and death."
"Do doctors use "number two" pencils to label their stool samples?"
"As a lover, he's about as impressive as a magician on the radio."
"The closer you are to the light, the darker your shadow becomes."
"Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it."
"I do not have an attitude problem, YOU have a perception problem."
"My reality check bounced."
"You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter."
"Those of you who think you know everything are very annoying to those of us who
do!" Jim
"God made man and rested. Then God made woman and no one has rested since." Jim
"Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they aren't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing
them again."
"I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem."
"Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, "Where the hell is the ceiling?"
"I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier."
"A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the ass."
"If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?"
"Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the car pool lane?"
"If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?"
"If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?"
"If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?"
"Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?"
"Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your ass?"
"When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all."
"Resiliency is knowing what we do in life is not nearly as important as how we do it."
"Sex is like snow you never know how many inches your gonna get and how long its gonna last"
"There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research.
This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of
what to do with them." (Submitted by: Stormy)
"No matter where you go, there you are.”
"Every ten seconds there is a woman somewhere in the world giving birth, she must be found and stopped." (Submitted by: forgot_to_flush)
"In my mind, I canimagine a world without war, a world without hate... and I can imagine myself taking over that world because they'd never expect it!"(Submitted by: forgot_to_flush)
"Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amatuers built the ark, professionals built the Titanic." (Submitted by: forgot_to_flush)
"Streaker beware, your end is in sight"(Submitted by: forgot_to_flush)
"You dont need a parachute to skydive, you just need a parachute to skydive again."(Submitted by: forgot_to_flush)
"Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups."(Submitted by: forgot_to_flush)
"Procrastination is simply the art of keeping up with yesterday."(Submitted by: forgot_to_flush)
"How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on."(Submitted by: forgot_to_flush)
"Some mistakes are to much fun to only make once."(Submitted by: forgot_to_flush)
"If truth is stranger than fiction, where are all the flying monkeys?" (Submitted by: forgot_to_flush)
"Annoy me and I shall set my squadron of pirate-zombie badgers upon thee!" (Submitted by: forgot_to_flush)
"Of all of the things I've lost I miss my mind the most" (Submitted by: forgot_to_flush)
"Can we be best friends, now that you've seen what's inside my freezer?" (Submitted by: forgot_to_flush)
"Life is free. Only living costs money." (Submitted by: forgot_to_flush)
"Don't try to fix other people's problems before you solve yours" (Submitted by: forgot_to_flush)
"If life was a video game you wouldn't imagine how many times I'd hit that reset button." (Submitted by: forgot_to_flush)
"Well, I guess we know which donkey pulls that cart. And where the donkey goes, the ass will follow." (Submitted by: forgot_to_flush)
"Repetition is a sign of stupidity… Repetition is a sign of stupidity… Repetition is a sign of stupidity…" (Submitted by: forgot_to_flush)
"Figure out what to do, then take a nap." (Submitted by: forgot_to_flush)
"Without idiots, there would be no geniuses." (Submitted by: forgot_to_flush)
"Life is 10% of what happens to you, and 90% how you react to it!" (Submitted by: TinyDancer)
"Tom Cruise is a FREAK!!!" (Submitted by: TinyDancer)
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Revised:
June 01, 2008